The Words Your Minister Hates to Hear

Posted on Sunday, July 6th, 2008 at 4:33 pm

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He came up to me this morning, before the service and said the words that ministers hate.  “I don’t mean to be critical, but . . .” I have heard this all too many times and know what is coming.  Usually if a person doesn’t want to be critical, they don’t have to say it.  It’s kind of like the used car dealer who is constantly saying “let me be honest with you.” Honest people don’t have to tell you that they are being honest.

Now let me tell you that since I started preaching regularly at Coral Ridge, I have had my share of criticism.  I have been criticized for not preaching patriotic sermons on patriotic Sundays; I have been criticized for using too much humor; I have been criticized for not lifting up Mary the mother of Christ on Mother’s Day; I have been criticized for telling too many stories; and I have been criticized for not letting other ministers have a chance at preaching (I have no control over that and only preach when I am asked, I do what I am told).  One thing that I have not been criticized for, until this morning, was not having enough exegesis (a fancy word for Bible teaching).  This morning though, right before I was to deliver the word, I heard “I don’t mean to be critical, but you need more exegesis.”

One of the things that I try hard, very hard to do is to make sure that I spend time studying and seeking to understand what the text has to say.  I translate the text from the Greek, look at the parallel passages in Mark and Luke in Greek, look at what seven or eight different Greek grammars have to say about each verse, read the best (the most careful with the Greek text) commentaries, and work really hard to try to understand what the background of the text is as well as trying to study all of the cultural elements (like buried treasure, fishing boats, the first century view of divorce, etc.).  I expect to be criticized about most other things and most of the time I probably deserve it, but if there is anything that I try to make sure of it is that I teach what the passage has to say.

In thinking about all of this I thought that I would give you a few tips on how best to help your pastor if you have something that he should hear:

1.  Don’t tell him on Sunday morning before he is about to preach.  I can only speak for myself, but every Sunday I am walking a fine line between stepping into the pulpit and running away to see if I can get into the witness protection program.  Don’t give anyone any more to think about before the message than he already has.

2.  Offer something constructive.  “You need more exegesis” offers nothing helpful.  “I am troubled by you making fun of yourself so much, do you think that you might be able to cut back on that a little?” (I’ve heard this from five or six people who truly had my best interest in mind) This comment is much softer, kinder, and not even a criticism, but a genuine constructive comment that can be worked on.  This kind of thing comes from a person who cares and wants to help, a purely negative jibe is not the same

3. If you offer your comment in writing, sign your name.  There is nothing worse than a nameless person who throws a hand-grenade without even owning up to it.

4.  Don’t underestimate how much damage your comments can do.  James says that the tongue is like a small match, capable of creating great fires.  Only those who have worked hard, only to see their work criticized by mean statements can tell how these comments can be like a splinter in the soul.

Well, I have the week off next week for a guest speaker.  Maybe I’ll be able to get my exegesis in order by the next time I am up.  Then again, maybe I should stick to Vacation Bible School where the kids tell you exactly what they think with real honesty.  When they say they love it, you know they do.

There is a saying in ministerial circles: “Never resign on a Sunday or Monday.” Give yourself a little space to think about those comments.  I’ll be thinking . . .

DrSamLam